


stupid fucking purple blazer

by VeryImportantDemon



Series: Mean Boys [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton hates Thomas Jefferson, Alexander is stupid, Alternate Universe - High School, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Dad Friend Hercules Mulligan, Gay John Laurens, Gen, George Washington is a Dad, Mean girls Au, Mom Friend Hercules Mulligan, Nonbinary Marquis de Lafayette, Teacher George Washington, Why is that even a tag, just a random little insight into their high school lives, revolutionary squad - Freeform, southern motherfucking democratic republicans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 22:06:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9144193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeryImportantDemon/pseuds/VeryImportantDemon
Summary: "And I turned around and there he was, wearing that stupid fucking purple blazer with his... stupid fucking southern motherfucking democratic republicans. And do you know what he said to me? Do you know what he said?"A day in the life of a strange group of friends.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Stiles_Stilinski](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stiles_Stilinski/gifts).



> So, I started a new series. Not surprising. It's a Mean Girls AU that likely should not exist. This is just a one shot that tags into a larger story that will be written later, hopefully. If not, enjoy regardless lol.  
> Kai, this one's for you.

"Where the fuck is Alexander?" Hercules Mulligan declared, unceremoniously dropping his tray at the lunch table. He crammed his legs under the too-low table before picking up his ham sandwich. "I saw him in Physics with Franklin but he wasn't in PoliSci with the General. Something happen?"

During Hercules' line of questioning, Laurens took the opportunity to munch on his own bland sandwich. While he was swallowing, Lafayette spoke up, their French accent still thick even after their years in America. "I heard a rumor," they said mischievously. Laurens unceremoniously began choking on his lunch and without missing a beat, Lafayette thumped him hard on the back. Mulligan, across the table, didn't even look fazed and continued casually chowing down.

This happened often.

When he finally stopped coughing, Laurens wiped his streaming eyes. "Thanks, man," he wheezed, and Lafayette nodded. "Any time. Like I was saying..." They cleared their throat dramatically. "I heard a rumor that he told Jefferson to fuck off in the hallway. In front of everyone."

Mulligan arched an eyebrow. "Wow," he said, whistling before taking another bite of his sandwich and downing it with a swig of chocolate milk. "I mean, I know we've all dreamed of telling him to fuck off, but he actually did it? Like... He told the Southern Motherfucking Democratic Republican to fuck off?"

Laurens' eyes widened and Lafayette hummed in agreement. "It's what I heard, but knowing Alexander like we do... I would not put it past him." Laurens whistled low. "Holy shit," he said. "I'm liking this kid more and more every day. I'm glad we picked him up."

Mulligan nodded. "So am I. Even though I have one more nitwit to look after." Laurens stuck his tongue out at their slightly older companion and Lafayette spoke while he did so. "Ah, mon ami," they teased. "You know you love us." Mulligan laughed and shook his head, picking up his milk carton again. "God help me, but I do. Why couldn't I have just picked some normal friends?"

Lafayette set their elbows on the table, put their chin on their hands, and began to speak. "Mon ami, two out of your four friends are immigrants. You've got me, a dyslexic nonbinary Frenchman."

Laurens piped up after a beat. "But Laf," he said. "You're to a guy. How could you be a Frenchman?" Lafayette shook their head. "Quiet, John. There's no other word for it. You know what I mean." They cleared their throat and then continued.

"You've got John Laurens, possibly the gayest gay to walk the Earth, and I wish I was exaggerating when I said that, but I'm not." Laurens nodded, agreeing with the description of him.

"Next, there's our Political Science teacher and debate team coach General Washington, a 40-some-odd-year-old man who was in the military for 20 years.

"There's you, the buffest, manliest dude in the school, an Irishman named after a Greek demigod who takes ballet lessons and who's two favorite classes are PoliSci and home ec." Hercules nodded, taking another swig of his milk. "You're not wrong," he admitted.

"I know I'm not," they said. "I know my friends. And last but not least - only newest - there's Alexander Hamilton, a feral orphan island child with ADD who cannot physically close his mouth who also happens to be a liberal flaming bisexual. If we were normal, it wouldn't be nearly as fun."

Hercules nodded again, drumming his fingers against the side of his milk carton as he finished it. "You make some good points," he said. "I wouldn't trade you guys for anything."

"Damn right you wouldn't," Lafayette said proudly, going back to their sandwich. Conversation stilled for a few moments, the three friends digging into their meals. Usually they'd take their lunches in the General's classroom, but he was in a meeting with the principal that day.

High school cafeterias were not quiet places. Especially this one. So the group took notice when the entire, giant room went silent, only to be broken by a tidal wave of whispers that rushed through the room from front to back. The whispers immediately stopped with a loud slam that sounded like a tray being smacked against a table and a very familiar voice shouting. "Oh, go to hell!"

Conversation promptly resumed.

Laurens looked up from his tray, grinning. "There's our boy," he said. Hercules and Lafayette both cracked a grin. "Yup," Hercules said, popping the 'p' on the end of the word. It wasn't but two minutes later when another figure smacked his tray down at the table and angrily began tearing apart his sandwich.

"Good afternoon, Alexander," the trio chorused together. Alexander squinted and mumbled a hello before ripping the crust off of one side of his sandwich. "Someone's angry, mon ami," Lafayette said with a laugh.

"No shit, Sherlock," Alexander threw out, causing Hercules and John to grin again. "Go on, man," Laurens urged, sliding his tray across the table to clack against Alexander's before pulling it back and continuing to eat his sandwich. "Tell us what what happened. Who are you mad at this time?"

Alexander let out a long groan, finally ceasing the mangle-ment of the innocent concoction of day-old lunch meat and wheat bread. "Fucking Jefferson," he said. "Jesus Christ. I'm so violently opposed to the very idea of Thomas Jefferson. Thinking about him makes me want to vomit." Laurens edged slightly closer to Lafayette. "But what exactly did you two fight about this .time?" Mulligan asked curiously.

Alexander sighed again. "Look, I don't know what you heard already, because this place is a fucking rumor mill, but this is what happened." He, Mulligan, and Lafayette looked to the right, like they were characters in a TV show awaiting a flashback to describe previous, untold events. Laurens looked to the left. Lafayette elbowed him and he sharply turned his head and Alexander continued speaking.

"I was walking down the hallway to my locker after Physics. And I was at my locker, putting in my combination. Before I even turn around, I know. I can just feel it - the disturbance in the Force."

"You've seen Star Wars? I thought-"

"John, oh my god. I'm from the Caribbean, not Mars, Jesus Christ. Let me tell my story. So, like I said, I just knew. I knew without even turning around that he was right there. And I turned around and there he was, wearing that stupid fucking purple blazer with his... stupid fucking southern motherfucking democratic republicans. And do you know what he said to me? Do you know what he said?"

"Alex, if we knew, we wouldn't have asked you to tell the story."

"It was a rhetorical question, Mulligan."

"Oh, okay. Proceed."

"Like I was saying, he looked me right in the eye and told me that my hair looked stupid. So you know what I told him? Lafayette, don't even start, it's a rhetorical question. I told him, and I'm quoting myself directly here, your fucking face looks stupid and I will save you a seat in Hell, Hamilton one, Jefferson zero."

"Not at our table, I hope."

"Herc, Herc, what did I say about interrupting my stories?"

"Is that another rhetorical question?"

"No, you can answer that one."

"To not to."

"Great, great. So, then, I got reprimanded for 'language' and 'harassing another student'."

"...Is the story over now?"

"Yeah, Laurens. You're good."

The quartet pulled their eyes from the random point of nothing they'd been staring at as Alexander spoke to focus on each other again. "So that's what happened."

Lafayette shrugged. "I was partially right," they said with a laugh. "I heard you just told him to fuck off, but I like your version better." Alexander laughed, rolling his eyes slightly and setting about tearing up the crusts of his sandwich into smaller pieces.

"I like my version better, too."


End file.
